A List of Things
Sickness is easy, health is hard.
I have some difficulty reconciling masculinity with being an affectionate person. My father was stuck in survival mode for most of my childhood, and I was brough to view manliness and openness as opposite ends of a spectrum. But this is fake.
The key realisation is that being healthy is hard while being a cold little dipshit is easy. And men—humans—are supposed to do hard things. Here’s a list of things that are easy and things that are hard.
Blindness is easy. Seeing the other person as they are, without distortions, is hard.
Emptiness is easy. Feeling emotions, letting them rage through you, is hard.
Frigidity is easy. Sexiness, flirtiness, and playfulness are hard.
Masturbation is easy. Sex, intimacy, the naked touch of another person, are hard.
Narcissism is easy. Raising your glance from the mirror, hearing her, answering her call, is hard.
Escapism is easy. Engaging with the world, creating fantasies that are rooted in reality, is hard.
Dysphoria is easy. Inhabiting your flesh, being your body, is hard.
Repeating the past and copying your parents is easy. Carving out a future, a new life, and moulding it to shape is hard.
Resentment, bitterness, jealousy, and envy are easy. Forgiveness, learning, thankfulness, and love are hard.
Stagnation and rot are easy. Healing, growth, and change are hard.
Your stupid little brain might have mislead you to think there is virtue in choosing sickness. There isn’t. You are just backing out from life and being a coward.